See what I did there? I flipped the script because that’s what I do. I’m a life coach.

Sure, they paged for a doctor because you’re having what they “suspect” to be a “heart attack”, but I see what’s really happening. I’ve seen this before. Classic dysregulation. Your chakras are all out of whack.

I hear them asking about your chest tightness, and whether or not your left arm is tingly.

Peace off, you big pharma peddlers. I’ll ask the questions here:

Tell me, do you feel aligned with your higher purpose? Are you living your truth?

Oh you brought me an inflight medial kit? Cute, but I’m good…

Oh, he can’t talk because he’s unconscious? No, I do not have experience with an AED or chest compressions, but what I DO have firsthand knowledge of, is the power of MANIFESTING the reality you WANT and NEED.

So maybe let’s put the paddles down, join hands, and hone in on what the universe is trying to tell this man.

I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he desires life and the ability to open his eyes, but feel free to weigh in.

Gonna have to have a long talk with my psychic about this whole thing

Too bad you guys made me check my carry-on- would you mind paging for anyone who had a quality rose quartz with them? Obsidian might be helpful too, since this is clearly his soul feeling burdened by all his limiting beliefs.

Seriously, we don’t have to worry- Jupiter is coming into Gemini, and if that wasn’t enough we’re riding the tail-end of a solar eclipse. I’ve seen this a million times, he just needs someone to burn some Palo Santo.

No, I will not sit down so someone “more qualified” can step in. I am perfectly capable of helping this man tap into the divine river of potential and light that is coursing through him.

Oh dear, he seems to have vomited, is that normal?

I think he already looks better, but some purification rituals would really help here.

Do you have a lighter for this sage?

I truly think if we sit him up and cover him in all the first-class blankets then he could sweat out all the toxins that are clogging him with bile. The hotter the better.

Is he dead, or is he just reincarnating right before our eyes?

Yeah, so he’s actually very dead.

I left him up front in Pigeon Pose, so…Namaste.