Packing for your trip can be hard enough when you’re NOT attempting to dress for all seasons at once. Sure, you need a winter coat but then how will you fit your ballgowns? What if the queen is at the resort?! Or what if you suddenly need to go for an 8 mile beach run, despite never doing cardio in your life. Never discredit the lure of the sea or royalty. Leave the coat, pack the sneakers and the tiara, too. This entire process is further interrupted when March rolls around and all 4 seasons in one day seem to be on the table.

This is my casual tiara

So, what’s a poor suitcase to do, besides burst at the seams? Not on my watch- I’m here to help you and zippers everywhere, with my practical list of packing tips I have relied on time and time again. This one goes out to all you newbie FAs and pilots, as well as all you lucky boys and girls headed to NACU. We hear it’s in sunny Cincinati this year, so if you’ve ever yearned to brainstorm about crew utilization during the day and dump chili on spaghetti at night, we’ll see you there! And we’ll see you there with an expertly packed suitcase:

These will get you oh so far. Neutral shades mean the items are basically interchangeable, and easily layered to accommodate fluctuating temperatures throughout the day. Think any pale item of clothing from the Gap, or what Martha Stewart would wear while gardening (at home, not in prison).

Martha would totally plant tulips in any of this

Try and leave your chunkier sweaters and what not at home. The name of the game here is layering; saves room and also saves you coming down with heat stroke. If you’d like to really confuse TSA layer on everything you plan on packing all at one. Keep them on their toes, they’re SO BORED and now you can fill your suitcase with foreign candies, as God intended.

The only place for redundancy is with your lounge wear. You don’t want to be eating wings in bed, only to be revisited by their ghostly hot sauce remnants in the middle of the night, do you? I know it’s just you and your loneliness in the hotel, but I think we all know your sleep and skin would appreciate the thoughtful gesture of you changing. Also, you can stop eating now since no amount of spicy sauces can thaw the icy waves of isolation that crash over you with every tearful bite. You proud of yourself? You flew all the way here to get a 3rd degree tongue burn alone in a hotel room? My mother was right about you.

Get me a shawl immediately

Know what else we can all forget? Societal beauty standards. The point of facial moisturizer. Caring what your hair looks like. Point is, not only will leaving this stuff at home free up much needed space for your clothing, it’ll also free you up to go exploring your new destination! Go out to eat and site see. Get to know the locals. Befriend resident crows. Start to say things like “do not cite the deep magic to me, child” around town. Start a turf war with the current swamp witch, drive her out. Let the sea air style your hair and wither your t skin. You’re the swamp witch now.

Look we weren’t kidding about NACU. We’re super excited to go- to visit our friends in the aviation industry and to expand our knowledge of the airline world. Also, a chance to visit Cincinatti, city of murals and a nationally ranked zoo? Paradise. But listen, we really weren’t kidding about the rich tradition of Skyline chili. We know once it graces our lips it will never be enough, so we’re coming prepared. Also, do you think that chili technically qualifies as a liquid for TSA purposes?

This picture made me believe in miracles again