29 Mar

In Defense of Comic Sans: A Last-Ditch Effort at 30,000 Feet

I know we’re landing. I’m not an idiot- I have eyes and a vague sense of descending. I know that decades ago you all made the rule that as we landed, laptops have to be stowed away like so many ripe nuts for ravenous squirrels.

But I implore you with all that I am… not this laptop. Not this time. I need you to have mercy, for once in your life. Have mercy upon me and this yet unfinished PowerPoint. I know what you’re thinking; “Why didn’t I finish it last night?”

Have you ever suffered the indignity of a layover at a LaQuinta, Janet? Can I call you Janet? LaQuinta with its adjoining rooms and whisper-thin walls, and legions of local high school dance team competitions.

She can’t vote, but she can eviscerate your will to live.

When I asked for a bit of quiet, I was eviscerated by a 16-year-old who had a newer iPhone than I do. It’s hard to alter slide animations through tears, Janet.

I’m begging you now to think of the graphs. The ones I’m editing and the ones I still have to make. I haven’t seen my wife in 2 weeks. Sure, it’s been bliss, but this morning she told me that the hot water heater was acting up and she had to call the plumber, and we all know what that means. I think I heard my son call him “daddy”.

I was told in no uncertain terms not to bother to come back to the office until I had closed this deal, and the only way I’m going to do that is through a flawless, comprehensive, and emotionally charged PowerPoint presentation that will rock this client to their core, and perhaps make them question their very existence. We’re not talking simple synergy and input to output ratio here, Jan. We’re talking a synergistic cacophony of expenditures singing a song to the overall market value, and that value yodeling back a fixed cost melody that’s both stalwart and frighteningly seductive in its prowess.

So no, Janet, I will not close the laptop for something as arbitrary as landing, not with lives at stake. Yeah, that’s right. I know you want this closed because the powers that be decree that in stowing it away, egress can flow for this row in the unlikely event of an emergency, but in actuality, allowing me to merge this circle into the perfect Venn diagram with this other circle will help and not hinder life to go on. Because as I stated before, if I don’t close this deal, there’s no point in any of this. If you make me put away this laptop, then what are we even doing?

…I see you had security meet the plane at the gate. Touche, Janet. Touche. Hey, before my hands are cuffed, what are your thoughts on Comic Sans? Too cavalier? Yeah, I thought so too.

Posted by | Posted at March 29, 2024 5:08 pm |
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@ ELP Aviation, Inc. 2020

About us

Airlines depend on ELP Aviation because our software improves operational efficiencies, eases crew interactions, and increases profitability. We offer products that provide scalable and agile solutions based on the individual Carrier’s needs. We’re already thinking about how to solve the next problem.

Learn more
Locations

 

Headquarters:  103 W Spring Ave, Conway Springs, KS, USA

Branch Office: Narayana Enclave, Plot No 610, Road Number 33, Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad-500033, Telangana, India.

Contact Us
+ 1 (316) 239-6080

info@elpaviation.com

 

Account
If you are an ELP CrewPortal App user please contact your Airline Department for questions.

@ ELP Aviation, Inc. 2020