09 Feb

Grandma got runover by a reindeer…

...and she shall have her revenge

To my loved ones, friends, and lawyer/reader of my last will and testament should I perish in this sojourn for justice,

As I sit here on my Scandanavian Airlines flight to Longyearbyen, the icy Dr. Pepper on which I sip does little to quell the burning bloodlust scorching through my veins.

As you are all aware, for many years now- decades in fact- I have been a victim of one or more of Santa’s rouge reindeer.

From the bite of Blizten’s hooves to the third-degree burns from Rudolph’s glaring crimson nose, I have lost countless hours recouping from the onslaught of attempted sleightricide. Today, after another lengthy post-holiday convalescence, I intend to put an end to these yuletide assassinations.

I intend to claim my vengeance.

Never again

If you are reading this, you have undoubtedly begged me to refrain- to move off of Santa’s designated present-delivery pathway. To this I say, I was there first, and since when does simply grabbing the mail in the hopes of perusing a few belated holiday cards on Christmas Eve mean I deserve to be cruelly run down by Santa’s holiday steeds?

Who is this Santa the world claims to love- do they even know him? Would a generous benefactor be capable of countless callous annual hit and runs?

I suppose you never know anyone.

For too long, the man in red and his band of sleigh-pullers has haunted my Christmas Seasons. Too many times have I lain there, alone in the snow unable to move, looking up at a frosty sky, pleading the word “why” like a prayer to no one.

And so, I fly onward, never minding the numerous connections it shall take me to achieve access to the world’s northern most point.

As I rack up status memberships with multiple airlines, the ability to upgrade with ease does little to assuage my search for New Year’s retribution.

To Santa, his minions, and his horned beasts, I have just this to say:

Did I miss the bev cart?

It’s the night before vengeance, and all through the plane

Not a seatmate was stirring, since I look deranged.

The carry-ons sit in the bins without care,

with my tools of retribution all safely there;

So I doze in my seat, with books to be read,

While visions of rancor dance in my head.

Descent fills me up with excitement and spite,

Merry Vengeance to me, I will soon make this right!

P.S. If I am unable, please verify that I have received my promotion from gold to platinum status, and make sure those benefits are transferable in case things go south while I’m up north. XOXO Nana

Posted by | Posted at February 9, 2023 8:30 am |
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About us

Airlines depend on ELP Aviation because our software improves operational efficiencies, eases crew interactions, and increases profitability. We offer products that provide scalable and agile solutions based on the individual Carrier’s needs. We’re already thinking about how to solve the next problem.

Learn more
Locations

 

Headquarters:  103 W Spring Ave, Conway Springs, KS, USA

Branch Office: Narayana Enclave, Plot No 610, Road Number 33, Jubilee Hills, Hyderabad-500033, Telangana, India.

Contact Us
+ 1 (316) 239-6080

info@elpaviation.com

 

Account
If you are an ELP CrewPortal App user please contact your Airline Department for questions.

@ ELP Aviation, Inc. 2020