April 1st. A day of tomfoolery and mischievous pranks. I thought what better trick than to present to you, actual reasons for flight diversions that seem too wild to be real…did I do it? Did I win April Fool’s Day?
01
Apr
April Fool’s Aviation Edition
No, But Really
Was the flight sponsored by Metamucil?
A poor plane travelling from Toronto to Pakistan had to make an emergency landing in Manchester England. The reason? Completely blocked toilets. Perhaps I’m speculating wildly, but I do have to question the fiber intake of all onboard. Yes, we know that fiber is a critical component of a healthy diet, but in this case, at what cost? Dear god, at what cost?
“Good evening, for lunch today we have prune juice and a choice of baked beans or psyllium husks.”
“Welcome aboard your flight to that one warming rock by my favorite pond.”
Life Imitating (Campy) Art
In perhaps one of the most Australian moments ever, a flight destined for Melbourne went awry after 4 baby pythons escaped from the confines of their cage. Unfortunately, Samuel L Jackson was not around to unite passenger efforts to overcome the slithering stowaways, nor was he there to ultimately save the day with a melodramatic flourish (I don’t actually know, I’ve never seen the movie. Does he die?)
It's Not Right/ But It's Ok
An American Airlines flight had to divert thanks to a very dedicated Whitney Houston fan. According to reports, a passenger was asked multiple times to stop singing “I Will Always Love You” while sitting in the cabin. I secretly I hope that in response, they only sang louder, because that is a bop and the fact that the entire plane didn’t join in the musical opportunity is a travesty.
How will I know which exit to use/ I read the safety card like we’re supposed to/ I’m closest to the overwing exit/ that one looks heavy, good thing I’m not weak
Totally tubular
Catch a Wave
A flight out of India was forced to turn back after a passenger leapt onto the beverage cart and rode it down the aisle like a coach cowboy. Did he or she stand on it, proud, balanced, unyielding, high fiving those in aisle seats? We can only hope. You know what? This one is flawless, no notes.
Gerard Depardieu? Gerard DeparDON'T.
After he was told that he wouldn’t be able to use the lavatory as the seatbelt sign was on, Depardieu went to his seat, returned to the back armed with an empty water bottle and a plan of retribution. After relieving himself in the bottle, (by relieving, I mean overflowing in front of horrified crewmembers), the plane returned to the gate minus one errant c-list celebrity with a tiny bladder and an authority problem.
Le gross